The Disciple Makers Blog

February 27, 2010

Welcome to…

Filed under: Welcome to The Disciple Makers — Pastor Andy @ 3:07 am

The Disciple Makers!

Welcome to the informational and interactive side of Multiplication Ministries.  There is nothing fancy about our blog with all the whistles and bells and spinning graphics.  It’s this simple…This blog is dedicated to sharing articles and news that will strengthen the church, make disciples and encourage pastors, church leaders and members alike.  

Pastor Andy McAdams

Our ministry is committed to being available to churches and their leaders worldwide for the purpose of assisting them in fulfilling The Great Commission.

As a pastor for over 30 years, I love sharing from the knowledge, training and experience that God has allowed me to gain.  Myself and a number of our staff are available to serve your church anywhere you may be, no matter what size your church is…and we’re only an email or phone call away.

Pastor Andy

1-800-598-0872

andy@thedisciplemakers.com

We would love to hear your comments.           


January 12, 2012

Perhaps this young man answers the question why 70% of young people leave the church never to return

Filed under: Discipleship — Pastor Andy @ 1:08 pm

Comments anyone?

January 2, 2012

Good advice for pastors and church leaders for 2012

Filed under: Church Growth and Health — Pastor Andy @ 5:41 pm

I can’t imagine that there’s are many Christians that haven’t heard about Rick Warren.  He is a man of vision and has accomplished something that many pastors wouldn’t have even attempted.  He has reached thousands of Yuppie’s in Orange County California and built a church that not only teaches God’sWord, but also helps people with physical, emotional and spiritual needs that assists them to become whole again with family values that are developed from biblical truth. 

If you have never been on the campus of Saddleback Community Church I would recommend that you do…at least once.  It’s an amazing place…almost a town within the town. 

I’m not a big fan of the huge mega-church.  I believe that each church needs to be what God wants it to be and that when a church is healthy it grows and fulfills the purpose that the Lord Jesus Christ has for that local ministry.

What amazes me is how humble Pastor Rick is.  I have been around a lot of pastors throughout the years, both mega-church pastors and smaller church pastors.  I hate to say it, but those that have the appearance being successful church pastors do not all carry with them the humble spirit that Rick Warren does.

That being said.  I have decided to post some of the most practical advice direct from the pen (well, web blog) directly from Pastor Rick Warren.  Now, if you know me and read this blog much, you do know that I am a Pastor to Pastors, and as I searched for some wisdom to pass on the pastors for 2012, I must say, “I couldn’t possible say anything better than the article you’re about to read.”

Andy

Ten Key Points to Remember in 2012

Posted by Rick Warren

 As pastors we live with the constant tension between the ideal (our dream for our church) and the real (how things actually are). Here are 10 key 

Looking forward to 2012

 points that would be good to remember this coming year –

1. Ministry is a marathon, not a 50-yard dash. It’s not how you start that matters. It’s how you finish the race. Sustainability counts more than speed. Don’t give up! Paul tells us to run the race for a “heavenly reward that never disappears” (1 Cor. 9:25). Live with your eyes on eternity.

2. Every church is large is God’s eyes. In God’s eyes, there is no such thing as a small or insignificant church. Jesus died for your church. That’s how much your ministry matters to God. It is the Body and Bride of Christ. The church is the only thing on earth that will last forever.

3. There is no correlation between the size and strength of a church. A church can big and flabby just as a church can be small and wimpy. Neither big nor small is better. Healthy is better. Strong is better. Focus on developing people and God will build his church.

4. Never compare your ministry to anyone else’s. God says it is foolish to compare (2 Corinthians 10:12). Why? First, you can always find someone doing a better job than you and you’ll get discouraged. Second, you can always find someone you’re doing a better job than, and you’ll become prideful. Either one can sabotage your ministry. When you get to heaven, God won’t say, “Why weren’t you more like (some other pastor)? He made you to be you and if he didn’t want you to be you, he wouldn’t have created you!

5. Live for an audience of One. The moment you start worrying about what other people think, your ministry is handicapped. If criticism is true, listen and learn from it. If it is false, ignore it and forget it. Remember that God is the ultimate judge of your life and ministry. Maintain a tough skin and tender heart.

6. Never criticize nor envy another ministry. I’ve seen more pastors defeated by these two traps than anything else. A critical or an envious spirit quenches God’s anointing. God loves to bless people you disagree with! “Who are you to judge someone else’s servant? To his own master he stands or falls. And he will stand, for the Lord is able to make him stand” (Romans 14:4). God is watching your reaction to the failures and successes of your brothers. We are to “Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn” (Romans 12:15).

7. Be humble or you’ll stumble. He who gets too big for his britches will inevitably be exposed in the end! Whenever I am prideful I become the enemy of God because “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” Humble people are teachable and don’t rush to judge others Humility is being honest about your weaknesses. Humility is not thinking less of yourself; it is thinking of yourself less! It’s not about you!

8. Learn from everyone. The danger of looking at lists such as, “The 100 fastest growing churches”, or “The 50 largest churches” is that you’ll compare and compete. Bad idea! Instead, learn from the models represented by the churches on those lists. The Bible tells us that skill, not merely dedication, is what brings success (Ecclesiastes 10:10). Work smarter, not harder. Every time I hear about anyone making an impact, I say, “Amen! Now teach me how to do it too!” All leaders are learners. The moment you stop learning, you stop leading. You can learn from anyone if you ask the right questions.

9. Remember all growth is seasonal. Every living thing goes through seasons of growth (spring and summer) and dormancy (fall and winter). Churches go through these seasons. Healthy growth takes TIME. When God wants to make a mushroom, he takes 6 hours. When he wants to make an oak tree, he takes 60 years. Do you want to be a mushroom or an oak tree?

Churches that explode overnight are not necessarily growing; they may simply be swelling by attracting believers who transfer from other churches. That is not legitimate growth. Conversion growth is real growth, so focus on how many new believers you are winning and baptizing, not your attendance. 

Nothing bears fruit year round. Your church may be in a Fall-like season right now (no leaves, no fruit) or winter (everything seems dead.) Keep on believing, learning, loving, and putting down roots. Spring and summer are coming! Hang on! The tide goes out, but it always comes back in.

10. Never confuse prominence with significance. My nose is prominent but I could lose it and still live a happy life. On the other hand, my lungs and liver will never been seen but they are far more significant. I’d die without them. You may be serving a small town or in circumstances with limited growth potential. So what? God put you there, and you’d better stay where God put you until God chooses to move you! God has every hair on your head numbered; your ministry matters to the Kingdom!

We’re all in this together. We’re on the same team, and one day we’ll all celebrate together at the feet of Jesus! Be faithful! Keep your eyes on Jesus! God created you. Jesus died for you. The Holy Spirit lives in you. You’ve been called, gifted, and anointed for your ministry. Never give up!


Rick Warren is the founding pastor of Saddleback Church in Lake Forest, Calif., one of America’s largest and influential churches. Rick is author of the New York Times Best Seller The Purpose Driven Life.  His book, The Purpose Driven Church, was named one of the 100 Christian books that changed the 20th century. He is also founder of Pastors.com, a global Internet community for pastors.

© Copyright 2012 Rick Warren. All rights reserved. Used by permission.

Do me a favor.  In light of what you believe that God is teaching you this coming year, what point out of the 10 Rick gives speaks to you the most?  And…of course share it in the comment section. 

Andy 

December 28, 2011

TV Evangelist Good or bad? (OK…I’m venting now)

Filed under: Discipleship — Pastor Andy @ 4:52 pm

Do TV Evangelist Do More Harm Than Good?            

By Andy McAdams

          I’ve never been real keen on TV evangelists who say you should lay your hand “as a point of contact” (whatever that means), on the screen while he prays.  It always seemed a bit weird to me.  But I never really paid too much attention to it to participate.  I figured, “If it helps someone while the guy prays, then what’s the harm?”

          Of course then there are those that have some special revelation from God that someone in television-land (where thousands of people are watching), is being healed at of a particular ailment at that very moment.  Then there’s the latest book, or CD series of sermons, that are guaranteed to “change your life” (for a small donation) at least until the next series that comes up that would also change your life. 

          I even turn my head to the offers to go to the Holy Land (at an inflated price) and be guided by this suddenly proclaimed expert in biblical history and “you can even get baptized in the Jordan”.  It doesn’t really matter if you had already been baptized because after all this was different.  It was in the Jordan where Jesus was baptized.

          I found it rather comical when an occasional self proclaimed prophet would blow a puff of air on the audience and the first five rows would fall over after they were told there was a “new wind” of The Holy Ghost coming over them.  I did find it odd that it was normally just the first five rows, as if the Holy Ghost didn’t have time to cover the entire congregation.  To be honest … I think most people could see right through that yet still hang on to the possibility that there just might be some miracle that could take place in one of these meetings or by watching the tube. 

          Sometimes sorting through the commercials there’s always the ads for some mail order teaching for $100 to be a Silver Donor, $200 to become a Gold Donor, and for $500 or more, you can be considered a Platinum Donor and be part of an elite few to me is amusing and also somewhat annoying.  But once in a while I found myself enduring them in order to hear whatever else the guy might have to say.

          The few times I’ve watch such programs, I would just shake my head at the thousand dollar suits, gold watches and elaborate stages in a 30 minute program and never really considered it as much harm.  After all, I preferred Charles Stanley, John MacArthur and David Jeremiah, so “to each his own” I would think and then let it pass.    You may not agree with those men, but you’ve got to admit they preach and teach God’s word and that is the primary reason they are on the air.  Not to sell something or pervert the scriptures.

          You may have guessed by now that my theology isn’t in the same camp as most TV evangelists and I have already waved my flag by mentioning those I prefer to listen to and watch and normally I’m not in an attack mode with those I have differences with because God still seems to reach people regardless of all of the “spiritual hype”. 

          BUT … after last night … I need to vent. Frankly, I’ve had enough of some of these guys.  For one reason, millions are spent on Christian TV broadcasts, and yet only 2.9% of Christians today become believers from TV programs, compared to 83% receiving Christ on a one to one basis.  Before anyone asks, “Yes”, I feel that way about even the guys on TV that are in my camp spiritually.  I keep thinking about all the aggressive evangelism that could be done by effectively mobilizing Christians in churches to reach their “Oikos” (family and friends.  Their 8–15 people in their lives that they can influence).  Millions could be used to keep missionaries on the field and pastors from having to be bi-vocational. 

          But I digressed.  Now back to my point.  Last night for some reason I couldn’t fall asleep at my normal bed time so I got up and decided to watch some TV.  I often like to listen to other preachers on the tube and see what they have to say.  Yes, even if I don’t agree with them or think that funds could be better spent for the good of the Kingdom.  Last night was one of those times.

          What I heard was some yahoo, making an attempt in my opinion, (and the Bible’s also) to dupe people by perverting them from truth to a lie.  I shouldn’t be surprised because the Apostle Paul warns of some that preach out of personal gain and he also points out that even Satan can appear as an angel of light.

          I’m not going to name this man because I don’t want to give him any publicity. He was proclaiming that if you order his “Anointed Miracle Water” that you will prosper in a number of ways.  One woman claimed that after she got it she poured it over her head and was cured of her sicknesses.  But most claimed that within days they received $20,000 that this false profit claimed they would get.

          What was sadder was that this lie was his entire message.  Not the cross, not a risen Lord, and nothing about “becoming a child of God through faith and grace” (John 1:12).  Just send for (with a gift of course) this water in a plastic container and miracles will happen and everything in life will be

Sheep need to wake up. There's too many wolves around.

 just perfect as the blessings fall down from heaven.  All you have to do is read about the life of Paul the Apostle and see the persecution he went through and how many times he came close to death due to his faith to know this guy doesn’t have a clue about truth, grace or the day to day Christian life of most people.  I guess there’s more profit in his spiritual scam.

          He did use the word “gospel” a number of times.  He proclaimed that through this “water” the gospel will be spread throughout the world.  GOSPEL?  What a misuse of a glorious word.  I’ve talk to people and they have seen this guy before.  His message is ALWAYS the same.  “Anointed Miracle Water”, that’s going to heal your body and fill your bank account.

          After the show went off, I prayed and asked God to open the hearts of those that may even consider this wolf in sheep’s clothing as garbage and not fall for this unbiblical prosperity message and reveal to them the true “gospel”.  Read what Paul says “the gospel” is:

1 Corinthians 15:1-4
1 Now, brothers and sisters, I want to remind you of the gospel I preached to you, which you received and on which you have taken your stand. 2 By this gospel you are saved, if you hold firmly to the word I preached to you. Otherwise, you have believed in vain. 3 For what I received I passed on to you as of first importance[a]: that Christ died for our sins according to the Scriptures, 4 that he was buried, that he was raised on the third day according to the Scriptures…”

Now read what he says should happen to those that pervert God’s simple, clear message of the “good news” … or the gospel.

Galatians 1:6-9
“I am astonished that you are so quickly deserting the one who called you to live in the grace of Christ and are turning to a different gospel— which is really no gospel at all.  Evidently some people are throwing you into confusion and are trying to pervert the gospel of Christ. But even if we, or an angel from heaven, should preach a gospel other than the one we preached to you, let them be under God’s curse! As we have already said, so now I say again: ‘If anybody is preaching to you a gospel other than what you accepted, let them be under God’s curse!’ “

I wish I could say that I felt better for venting … but as long as there are those that throw some Bible verses around mixed with lies and distortions … it will sadden me.  But also motivate me to “preach the gospel of grace and salvation”.

 You may have a different opinion about this subject.  Here’s your chance to PRAISE or VENT on this subject.  Or, your favorite or not so favorite TV preacher.  I know I’m not alone on this.  Hit the comment button and let’s hear from you.

Andy

December 11, 2011

USA TODAY’S TOPOGRAPHY OF FAITH

Filed under: Discipleship — Pastor Andy @ 9:35 pm

Check out this link and discover the religious afflilation of your state

http://www.usatoday.com/news/graphics/pew-religion-08/flash.htm

December 2, 2011

A Letter from a Non-Christian about coming to your church

Filed under: Church Growth and Health — Pastor Andy @ 4:18 pm

Letter From a Non-Christian

By Tom Weaver 

http://takeyourvitaminz.blogspot.com 

Okay I’m not a Christian, but I’ve finally made the decision to come to your church this Sunday. Don’t expect much from me though. If something comes up I might not, but right now I’m planning on it. I feel like I need to go, but I’m not sure why. I want to tell you a few things about myself before you meet me.

1.  I’m not going to understand religious language or phrases so be aware of that when we talk. I don’t understand slain in the spirit, God is moving in me, covered in the blood, I need to die to self, you just need to be in the Word, what you need is a new life, etc. If we have conversation filled with religious talk I’m probably not going to understand half of the words…and maybe think you’re a little crazy.

2.  When you ask me how I’m doing, know that I don’t trust you. I’m probably going to lie and tell you I’m fine. It’s not that I don’t want to tell you; it’s just that I come from some pain and am not sure if I trust you yet. How about you tell me your story first? If I like you and get the vibe that you’re not trying to capture my soul or anything, I’ll tell you mine.

3.  I’ve got pretty rough language and I can be bitter and angry about some things. If I sense in you a mindset of superiority, I’m out. If you are just waiting for your turn to talk instead of truly listening to me, I’m not going to be interested. Don’t expect me to be exactly like you.

4.  Don’t make a big deal of introducing me to everyone you know. I understand a couple of people, but please; don’t set up a welcoming line. I’m just there to check it out; I need a bit of space.

5.  I’m going to be looking for genuine interest in me. I don’t want to feel like your personal salvation project or be a notch on your “I saved one” belt. If this Jesus is who you say he is, then I’m looking forward to seeing him in you. That’s how it works, right?

6.  I’m going to have questions. I need truth, not your preferences or your religion, so can you just tell me what the Bible says?

7.  I need to feel welcomed. Is there a time limit or something on my visit before I’m supposed to feel unwelcomed? I mean, I’ve been to other churches and there seemed to be a push for me to make up my mind or something. How long until I’m unwelcomed?

Thanks for hearing me out. I’m pretty sure I’m going to come this Sunday. But I might not.

JUST HOW IMPORTANT ARE CHILDREN’S MINISTRIES IN THE CHURCH TODAY?

Filed under: Church Growth and Health — Pastor Andy @ 3:13 pm

Facts about our future – “The Church” 

By Andy McAdams

Since the beginning of the church at Pentecost, there will always be an obvious future generation to carry on the commands of Jesus and continue to fulfill His Great Commission.  In case we have allowed it to slip our minds, that commission was to “Make Disciples of All Nations”, baptizing them and to teach each generation to observe (obey) the things that He had commanded.  Matthew 28:19-20

As a pastor I never doubted the brightness of the future generation of the church, until recent years.  I suppose my concern over the strength of Christ’s Church has been my motivation to leave the pastoral ministry and become a “pastor to pastors”.   So that I may encourage pastors not only from the successes I had as a pastor, but to also pass on the warnings of my failures.

As I look back on the three decades of being a local church pastor, I think one of my biggest failures was not to take more seriously the need to prepare the next generation. Prepare them to carry out the job of building strong churches to carry the torch of Matthew 28:19-20, until Jesus comes for us.

Don’t get me wrong.  I have seen young people become pastors, missionaries, Christian School teachers and fulfill other important aspects in ministering God’s Word around the world.  But I ask myself, “Did you spend more time entertaining teens than you did equipping them be become Disciples of Christ that also make Disciples of Christ?”  Did I truly teach young people the importance of “living a life more than making a living?”  Did they learn what it meant to “be a Christian” or simply learn “about doing Christian things?”  Was the church really a training station for godly life or a place to have fun, play games, have a quick Bible study and then do it all over again the following week?”

Like most pastors, I guess I would have to say that I could have done a better job and then make the usual excuses about Christian training being the main responsibility of the home and parents.  As true as that is, it can also be a cop out.

This past week I was handed some statistics (I love stats, they really help to see the condition of things).  These statistics had been gathered from a number of sources by a Christian camp director and I wonder if they will have the same affect on you as they did me.  My conclusion is that we may have done what we thought was right in early child Christian education, but somewhere we failed.  I’m curious how they affect you.   After you read them I’d like to hear your thoughts.  Of course we can’t go back and do it over, but we sure can make some changes in the church to help turn the tide.

Here are those stats:

The average teen talks on the phone 147 minutes per week

29% of teens to send over 100 text messages in a single day. 

66% of American homes have three of more TV sets.

Parents and their children only spend an average of 3.5 minutes in meaningful conversation together.

75% of American girls believe that they are fat.

The average minutes a child spends playing video games per week is 1,800.

One million per-school children are clinically depressed.  (Yes, you read that right, pre-schoolers).

The average child between 2-5 years old spends 1,920 minutes a week watching TV.

Elementary school children spend 1,680 minutes per week watching TV and only 30 minutes outdoors.

19% of kids between 6-17 years old are obese.  A 2% increase from the year before.

There are 200 junk food ads in four hours of children’s Saturday morning cartoons.

The likelihood of someone ages 5-12 embracing Jesus Christ as their Savior is 32%.

The likelihood of someone ages 13-18 embracing Jesus Christ as the Savior is 4%.

The likelihood of someone 19+ is 6%.

Only 24% of church leaders feel that ministry to children should be a top priority in the church.

Just 15% of most church budgets are spent on children’s ministries.

70% of teens between 18 and 22 leave the church with 90% of the boys never to return.  Studies tell us that most of them do not lose their “faith”, they just have had it with the way most churches are and they don’t see it relevant and meaningful to their life. 

Most teens report that they are bored with most churches and even youth groups.  They find that either there is to much study or to much games and fun.  They want a balance and the church isn’t giving it to them. 

Conclusion:   If people do not embrace Jesus Christ as their Savior before they reach their late teen years, the chance of them doing so is slim.  According to social scientists the moral and spiritual foundations of most children is determined by age 9.

Like I’ve already said, “we may have done what we thought was right in early child Christian education, but somewhere we failed.  I’m curious how they affect you.   After you read them I’d like to hear your thoughts.  Of course we can’t go back and do it over, but we sure can make some changes in the church to help turn the tide”.  ANY COMMENTS?  SOME SUGGESTIONS?  Your input helps as I continue to work with churches. 

Suggested Reading:  Here’s a couple of books that might help give insights as well as some direction.  I’ve included Amazon’s write-up on both. 

Essential Church?: Reclaiming a Generation of Dropouts by Thom and Sam Rainer 

Why do so many young adults (18 to 22) leave the church, and what will it take to bring them back? This important question is examined and duly answered in Essential Church?, a follow-up to Thom S. Rainer’s best-selling Simple Church cowritten this time with his son, research expert Sam Rainer.

The book is based on a study of one-thousand so-called “church dropouts” who were interviewed about why they left. Their answers are quite surprising, having less to do with “losing their religion” and more about the desire for a community that isn’t made stale by simply maintaining the status quo.

The Orphaned Generation: The Father’s Heart for Connecting Youth and Young Adults to Your Church by Scott Wilcher

http://www.scottwilcher.com/

” For the last fifty years, the church has isolated teenagers in youth groups that mostly have functioned as appendages to the congregation. Scott Wilcher’s timely book, The Orphaned Generation, unpacks the harm this approach has caused—and the ways adults (including senior adults) can reconnect with the hearts of the young. I recommend it strongly to every church leader and every adult in the church.”

November 25, 2011

Just thinking out loud

Filed under: Church Growth and Health — Pastor Andy @ 7:49 am

WHAT’S HAPPENED TO THE MAIN THING?

By Andy McAdams

I saw another article a few days ago written by someone that seemed to have one main banner in life to wave.  It seemed to me as if his sole purpose in life was to convince “Christians” that if they used anything other than the King James Version of the Bible that they were not only misleading people, but they were sinning against God.

Once again I scratched my head and thought, “perhaps it’s things like this that goes on in so many churches today that has caused 11,000,000 (yes, that’s right, 11 million) professed born again believers to decide that they simply don’t need the church any longer in their lives.  “Jesus…yes…but the church…no thanks.” 

It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out what keeps people away from many of our so-called places of worship today.  We once fought sin and the Devil, now, we fight each other.  Just when did the church stop making “the main thing, the main thing?”

October 20, 2011

Tempted to Leave

Filed under: Uncategorized — Pastor Andy @ 5:23 pm

Not many people understand the term, “pew widow” anymore.  It was a common term a couple of decades ago for a married woman that attended church without her husband and often even her children.  To be honest, most churches don’t know how to minister to such a lady.  This is an article written by Elaine Creasman that openly shares her heart about why a so-called “pew widow” needs her church family.  My question is, “how are most women that end up sitting all by themselves each Sunday treated in most churches?  Are they truly ministered to and cared for?”

Andy

Why keeping away from my church community wasn’t such a great idea

By Elaine Creasman

 A number of years ago I started to withdraw from God’s people. 

Being involved in church seemed impossible because of family problems. My children had abandoned their faith. My husband’s passion for God had cooled, and our marriage was taking such a hit that I wondered if it could survive much longer. My prayers seemed futile.

When I went to church, each time someone asked, “How are your daughters?” or celebrated their children’s godly lives, my pain rushed to the surface.

When someone asked, “Where’s Steve?” or bragged about their wonderful marriages, self-pity threatened to smother me.

No one else is suffering like me, I decided. I’ll just stay home seemed like a brilliant idea, but the Lord urged me to stay involved.

Reluctantly, I returned to church, and over time, to a women’s Bible study. Slowly, I discovered God desired to use his people—even at their most imperfect—to help me navigate rough waters. Here’s what I learned along the way.

 

Be honest about struggles

Often I was tempted to keep problems hidden, pretending, “All’s right with my world.”

Yet as I mustered courage to open up, I noticed my honesty freed others to remove “my life’s perfect” masks and share their heartaches. This caused me to feel connected.

Some people seemed uncomfortable when I bared my soul (maybe they didn’t want to “catch” what I had) but most thanked me repeatedly for my transparency.

 

Allow others to minister to you

My honesty led to people offering me counsel, hugs, prayers, wisdom from the Word, and at times their tears.

As I humbled myself enough to listen, godly women helped me view my pain and hard times from God’s perspective—a testing of my faith and a means to grow. I repented for believing the lie that all my difficulties were God’s punishment for my failings as a wife and mother. I allowed women to help me win the battle against fears, doubts, and unbelief.

Caring believers encouraged me to stay in prayer and the Word and to trust God’s timing. I embraced James’s words: “Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed” (James 5:16). I felt my soul being healed and matured—instead of just feeling grieved that my loved ones’ weren’t.

Fellow Christians also helped me see how God was answering prayers for my family life—a little at a time. Gratitude grew.

Once I was ministered to, I was able reach out to others whom I discovered had similar spiritual battles.

Avoid taking hurtful statements personally

One day in my women’s Bible study, I told of my daughters’ struggles. The leader of our small group responded, “My daughter wandered from the Lord for a little while, but friends and I just prayed for her, and she’s fine now.”

“Just” and “a little while” hurt. That day I beat myself up for my lousy prayers and choosing ineffective prayer partners over the years of my prodigal daughters’ rebellion. Once again I felt tempted to go home and stay there until all was well.

A hurtful statement a speaker said from the pulpit was, “I must have done things right since my kids turned out so well.” That communicated to me: “Elaine, you’ve done everything wrong.”

When I prayed about these statements and many others, the answer the Lord gave each time was, “Forgive them, for they do not know not what they are doing” (Luke 23:34).

Unintended hurtful words made me aware of times when I’ve said things without thinking—when I’m in a good place and refuse to mourn with or even be perceptive of those who are mourning (See Romans 12:15). Through hurting in a group setting, I’ve become more compassionate toward and sensitive to noticing those who hurt.

 

Expect a blessing

When I’m feeling the worst emotionally and a voice in my head shouts, Stay home! That’s when I need Christian fellowship. Those are the times I’m most blessed. These days when I resist an urge to stay home, I expect a blessing, and I get one. God also allows me to bless others—especially by speaking truth when they’re believing lies I’ve believed.

The voice telling me to stay home isn’t God’s, but the enemy’s. He wants to keep Christians isolated and hates when we bless and strengthen one another. God rejoices when we do.

Another bonus of staying connected is having fellow Christians to bring progress reports to and people to celebrate with when God answers prayers. For instance, we celebrated that my younger daughter’s emotional life has stabilized, she’s returned to church, and is seeking a closer walk with God. My older daughter isn’t as anti-God as she once was, and I can see her heart softening. And my husband’s back at church, is dealing with emotional issues, and working hard at being a better husband.

What blessings I and others would have missed if I’d stayed home until the storms of my life passed.

Elaine Creasman

 Elaine has been published in over 30 Christian publications as well as in her local and weekly newspapers. She has been a contributing author for numerous gift books. Elaine writes mostly personal experience articles and poems and has written her way through her struggles as a wife, mother, and Christian. Elaine also does public speaking for women’s groups and retreats, as well as at writers conferences.  http://www.elainecreasman.com/index.htm

Okay so here’s my question again.  ”how are most women that end up sitting all by themselves each Sunday treated in most churches?  Are they truly ministered to and cared for?  I use to hear from these wonderfully important ladies that ‘most churches focus on families and they feel left out.  So… how can we (the church) better minister and accept them as a vital part of the church body?  Hit the comment button and tell me what you think.  I have pastors that I work with ask me about this issue all the time.  I sure could use some input on this one.

Andy

 

September 20, 2011

Can Pastors Have True Friendships?

Filed under: Pastors — Pastor Andy @ 9:07 pm

Believe it or not, sometimes it’s difficult for pastors to have friends.  I mean true, close completely trusted friends. People in the church will claim to be your friend, and will yearn to be close to the preacher.  But when there are signs or vulnerability, they can viciously turn on you.

When I entered ministry at my first church my pastor warned me, “be careful of the person/s that welcome you the most and want to spend lots of time with you.  They are normally the first ones that will turn on you and find every fault that you have and never let you and the rest of the congregation know it”.  Is this true in every church?  Probably not, but it sure causes ministers to be very careful and cautious.

It has been said that “pastors are the loneliest people in the church” because what they really need is someone they can trust with anything, keep confidence and withhold judgment when we fail.

Ike Reighard gives some good insight in the following article.  I post it for both pastors and those that truly want to be his friend.  By the way…I pastored 3 churches and my pastor’s warning was true each time.

Andy  

Four types of friends every pastor needs  

by Ike Reighard

Pastors may be the most well-known, loneliest men on the face of the earth. Friendship is a vital part of New Testament ministry and leadership. Without quality, biblical friendships, we are modeling a flawed Christian lifestyle for our church members. Yet, for many, the difficulties of pastoral friendships outweigh the benefits.
 

Most pastors find themselves in an unhealthy relationship where their wife is their only friend and counselor. If a pastor continues to project his problems onto his wife, she will grow disillusioned and desperate to leave the ministry. I believe a pastor’s wife should be his best friend, but she should not be his only friend.

 
In my 30 years of ministry, I have learned that every pastor needs at least four types of friends:

The Developer

Your best friend will always be the person who brings out the very best in you. According to Billy Graham, he wouldn’t have made it as an evangelist if he had to minister alone. Over 53 years ago, Billy Graham met his staff and best friends: Cliff Barrows, George Beverly Shea, and Grady Wilson. These three men protected him, strengthened him, counseled with their wisdom, and corrected him when he needed it. He is convinced that without these friends he would have burned out within a few years after his first groundbreaking crusade in 1949 (Just as I Am: The Autobiography of Billy Graham, pp. 125-129).

Developer friends will bring the gift of encouragement to a pastor’s life and bring out the very best in him.

The Designer

We tend to think of mentors as a personal, hands-on coach. The Latin and Greek define them more as “advisors” or “wise men.” Jesus was a master mentor. He ministered to thousands, trained hundreds, equipped twelve, and had an intimate friendship with three men.

The designer mentors us in our marriage, ministry, child-rearing, civic involvement, business acumen, or any area where we need a model. Designer mentors may live near or far, be acquaintances or strangers, or may even be dead. They “design” our lives through Scripture, books, tapes, articles, or seminars.

The Disturber

We need friends who will shake up our status quo. Disturbers ask us difficult questions, forcing us to take a closer look at motivations and ambitions. Disturbers know when we have retreated into our comfort zones, and they call us out to greater effectiveness. God uses disturbers in our lives to become the object of greater force that breaks inertia and propels us to greater achievement.

A biblical picture of a disturber is in Deuteronomy 32:11. In this passage the mother eagle tears up the soft nest to reveal sharp thorns that bring discomfort to the eaglets. Because of discomfort, the eaglets leave the nest and learn to fly. The mother develops her young by repeatedly pushing them out of the nest and catching them until they become skilled flyers. Eagles were never meant to stay in the nest and neither were we. The disturber pushes us to learn to fly.

The Discerner

In a lifetime of relationships, perhaps only a handful of people are willing to play this vital role because it requires mutual vulnerability. More popularly known as accountability partners, discerners bring the gift of spiritual insight into our lives. They know how to speak the truth in love. They know how to exhort and rebuke, seeking to keep their friend on the right track. They are also vulnerable—the true friends who will walk into the room of your life while everyone else is walking out.

Proverbs 27:6 reads, “The wounds of a friend are trustworthy, but the kisses of an enemy are excessive.” Always be slow in choosing your discerners and even slower in leaving them.

If you are a typical pastor without close friendships, I urge you to seek them out. They may keep you in ministry for the long haul, and your wife will thank you.

Ike Reighard is the Founding Pastor of NorthStar Church in Kennesaw, Georgia.

OK…here’s my question that I’d like your comments on.  Where does a pastor find these friends?  It is possible to find them in your church?  Your pastors group that you meet with?  How about your denomination? 
Looking forward to your input.
 
Andy

July 10, 2011

Why Do Pastors Really Leave the Ministry?

Filed under: Discipleship — Pastor Andy @ 8:10 pm

I think by now most church people have heard the statistic that 1400-1500 pastor leave the ministry per month.  But not many are offering the reasons for their exodus from the pulpit or what to do about it.  Jim Fuller at pastoralcare.com treats the subject well in this article that’s a bit long but a good read for pastors, and church people in general.  As always, I welcome your comments.

Andy

10 Reasons Why Pastors Leave the Ministry 

By Jim Fuller

10. LACK OF VISION

Most pastors start out in the ministry with the energy and vision necessary to be able to conqueror most everything. While their vision may change from time to time, depending on the direction from God, their energy is often tied to a number of different factors that are influenced by either positive or negative variables. These variables, as well as ministers learning how to deal with them, can determine whether or not a pastor continues in the ministry. Positive attributes are usually marked by high levels of energy, determination and confidence. If not preserved or safeguarded, they can lead to negative attributes of feelings of insecurity, isolation and often times needing the validation from others to confirm their vision and calling.

POSITIVE FACTORS:

  • Affirmation
  • Acceptance
  • Confirmation
  • Success
  • Validation
  • Progress
  • Belonging
  • Support
  • Appreciation
  • Spiritual Hunger
  • Good Health

NEGATIVE FACTORS:

  • Rejection
  • Resistance
  • Stagnate
  • Isolation
  • Failure
  • Poor Health
  • Lack of Accountability
  • Lack of Spiritual Hunger

Some times, these physical and emotional factors seem overwhelming and larger than life itself. While these are only a few factors , they can still influence one’s calling and vision. People so often use these two terms interchangeably. But there is a vast difference in “being called” into the ministry and “vision” or direction where you feel God is leading. Many pastors become disillusioned, tired and seemingly unable to “hear” from God when these negative variables are present. If not recognized and dealt with, they will definitely interfere with the ability to “seek” God’s direction.

Many pastors in this “Lack of Vision” state, have not surrounded themselves with people with whom they trust or confide, such as an accountability partner, one who could help them through difficult times. One survey states that 70% of the ministers report not having a close friend to whom they can confide! Even Jesus surrounded himself with others for support as well as to train them for the future.

“Pastors are people too” and are made up of “flesh and blood” just like everyone else. So many ministers report thinking they have to “ live on an island”  and thus be isolated from anyone else. God never intended for us to be alone.

The demands of the ministry can be overwhelming at times but “We can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me” , Philippians 4:13. Pastors cannot afford to allow isolation, invalidation, health and financial pressures and any other discouragement to prevent them from seeking God’s direction. All ministers must protect and renew their vision regularly. One can only do this by scheduling quality time alone with God, seeking his presence and direction.

Get alone with God! Please, don’t allow these negative influences to rob your vision and career!

9. LOW INCOME/LOW SELF-ESTEEM

It is estimated that about 75% of all ministers live close to the poverty level. A number of factors contribute to this increasing problem:

FACTORS:

  • Decreasing Church Attendance
  • Increased Cost of Living
  • Lack of Education/Instruction of Giving to Laity
  • Mega Churches Drawing Church Members Away
  • Lack of Skilled Training for a Second Job
  • Guilt/Lack of Faith that Prevents Seeking a Second Job

These factors cause additional pressures for a minister to support his family as well as perform the duties of a pastor. All ministers desire to encourage others to live by faith and believe God for provision. When a pastor’s provisions are not being met, is there something wrong with the pastor or is it the fault of the laity? Do they lack faith? Is there added pressures from the laity to not seek outside employment to supplement their income? Is there a narrow mind set from the laity of how to treat and provide for their pastor? Has there been adequate teaching and training on this subject?

These feelings often lead to thoughts of failure, causing stress and anxiety in wondering how to pay their bills and having to feel they have to carry on with a smile for others to see. Ministers start out in the ministry with high expectations and often leave because of a lack of self-esteem. 90% of the ministers report they feel inadequately trained to meet the demands of the ministry, 70% report having a lower self-image now than when they first started and 50% of the ministers will not even last 5 years! These are horrible statistics!

According to one survey, the occupation of pastor ranks near the bottom of the most-respected professions, just above “car salesman”. Feeling good about themselves and meeting the needs of their family is very important to everyone. Many expect the pastor and his/her family to have a higher set of standards than they do and unfortunately, having to “live by faith” more in providing for their provision.

Some pastors are unable to obtain other employment because: the duties of the ministry is demanding, they lack the necessary skills for other employment and they may have health problems that prevent them from performing duties required for employment. These pressures, along with low self-esteem, cause pastors to leave the ministry in hopes of seeking employment that will not have as many demands and have extra benefits, such as retirement, health insurance, vacation and appreciation of a job well done!

So many pastors are afraid of being honest with their church in addressing their needs. That does not show a lack of faith! God still answers prayer and he usually does it through people ! This may allow others to be involved in blessing God’s messenger or it may be instructing the church of the need for the pastor to seek outside employment to meet his/her needs because the church is unable to presently do so. In any way, God’s Will can be provided. Don’t be alone and don’t be afraid to teach and share your needs!

8. LACK OF MOTIVATION

The lack of motivation is different from lack of vision. A pastor who lacks vision may still have some motivation to continue. Usually the lack of vision, lack of self-esteem and financial pressures are contributors in leading pastors to the point where they face a lack of motivation. A lack of motivation takes away all desire, will and drive to perform any operations associated with the ministry. In other words, the ministry demands have taken their toll on the “person” , the minister, to the point of not caring whether he/she ever preaches again.

Many times depression is a prelude to a lack of motivation. Major depression has characteristics of lacking drive and energy to perform duties; being withdrawn and not wanting to be around others; and often having long periods of time preferring to sleep. Traumatic events, such as fighting or confrontations with church members over insignificant issues, over time may also cause ministers to give up.

People who experience a lack of motivation have often ignored the “warning signs”. Too many times a pastor has not taken a vacation or sought help that will bring about healing and restoration. A pastor is not a machine, nor a God! Even Jesus needed a rest from time to time. He had to leave the crowds, the people who demanded too much and even from those who tried to deceive or hurt him. How much more do we as humans need to get away for a much needed rest! When we take care of ourselves, we can then take care of others!

Exercise, such as walking or playing sports can be helpful in dealing with stressors associated with a lack of motivation. Being able to share personal problems with a close friend will allow a person to “vent” his/her frustrations and hopefully receive good counsel from a person who really cares about the ministry and the pastor as a person.

Motivation is the “ gasoline” that drives the car. One never gives up on the car but rather seeks to provide the fuel necessary to continue down the road. Ministers often leave the car (calling) prematurely without seeking ways to be “refueled”. It takes courage to endure without motivation, but in time God will either redirect one’s path or change the people “in the way”. One may have to re-examine his/her calling and purpose where they are today, and seek ways to be refueled! Surround yourself with others who can add “fuel” to your life because they care. There is definitely strength in numbers.

7. STRESS & BURNOUT

Stress and burnout is one of the leading causes for ministers to leave the ministry. When people think about stress, there are usually negative connotations associated with it, but there is also a good stress, which is associated with feelings of joy, fulfillment and achievement, such as the birth of a baby, the long hours for a degree or anything that causes one to maybe push limits.

Negative stress usually involves prolonged and frequent transactions that take place between a person and his/her environment. There are many reasons for stress:

  • The disparity between idealistic expectations and reality
  • The lack of clear boundaries—tasks never done, “I have to do everything” mentality
  • Peter Principle—feeling inadequate in leading volunteers
  • Conflict in being a leader—trying to please everyone
  • Trying to be a “servant” to everyone
  • Time management problems
  • Multiplicity of roles
  • Inability to produce a “win-win” conflict resolutions
  • Clergy being basically insecure, lonely and to serious

CONTRIBUTORS TO STRESS:

  • Poor diet, too much caffeine, processed flour, refined sugar, poor exercise habits
  • Career uncertainty, role ambiguity, role conflicts, role overload, long hours
  • Psychological factors – loss of loved ones, divorce, marital/family problems
  • Spiritual factors – despair of church not growing, jealousy, pornography, sexual fantasies, sexual inappropriateness

Burnout is emotional exhaustion. It is similar to lack of motivation because it causes one to give up on something to which he/she was once passionately committed. Burnout is not usually found in “lazy” people. One of the characteristics of burnout is “burning a candle at both ends”. 90% of ministers report working between 55 to 75 hours per week and most ministers do not exercise nor take regularly scheduled vacations.

CAUSES OF BURNOUT:

  • Working too hard without a break
  • Reaching a goal after long hard work and not having a vision or purpose to go forward, such as after a building program
  • Feeling you have been betrayed by those you are serving
  • Feeling betrayed by others you are serving under
  • Feeling used or not cared for
  • Sin, unrepented or unconfessed
  • Wrong priorities of time and energy, becoming a workaholic
  • Unfulfilled expectations of success, recognition, or reward
  • Trying to do the job you are not called to do
  • Lack of adequate support, over your head
  • Lack of boundaries to protect your family

PREVENTION:

  • Awareness of potential problem—listen to those close to you
  • Maintain a consistent devotional life
  • Accept your limitations—Jesus is the only Messiah
  • Use common sense – think about how it is going to affect your family, physically, mentally, financially and spiritually. Are they getting better or worse?
  • Balance what is most important in your life
  • Seek out and enjoy the simple things in life
  • Practice the Sabbath principle – take off work, take vacations
  • Deal with disappointments, forgive
  • Have someone you can talk to with problems – accountability partner
  • Do the ministry you are gifted and called to do
  • Nurture your family

If you have stress and burnout, please get the help you need! Life is too short . Satan is working overtime to discourage and to keep ministers so busy and occupied that they are of no earthly good.

6. NOT APPRECIATED

Many pastors go through their ministry dealing with all sorts of difficulty. Some seem to go from one church to another, often labeling those who were troublemakers; while others deal with continual issues of people unwilling for change, lack of vision and purpose, lack of dedicated workers, argumentative or controlling spirits, unreasonable demands and financial and spiritual struggles.

Many pastors may also contribute to their own demise by being too rigid, unwilling to negotiate, distancing themselves from others, personality conflicts, lifestyle differences and an unyielding way of working with people.

Most pastors will face some or all of these difficulties sometime in their ministry. While these may seem overwhelming at times, most are manageable and at the very worst, one may come to the conclusion they are not a good match for that church. Most pastors are willing to “roll up their sleeves” to work on issues, one at a time, hoping for change. Others may “jump ship” or be voted out. Either way, a pastor may or may not have control over his/her circumstances.

When pastors go through these difficult times, they often find excuses or reasons why people may or may not accept them. The real problem occurs whenever a pastor perceives these as personal attacks. There is a difference between people rejecting the message and those who reject the messenger. Often times, ministers get confused between these two.

There is nothing wrong in reflecting back on experiences and learning from our mistakes. Overwhelming failures, insecurities and a lack of validation or appreciation of all the hard work a minister goes through, often brings thoughts of pulling out of the ministry altogether.

Appreciation is a normal course that usually follows a job well done. Everyone likes to feel appreciated but in reality, no one has control of whether or not he/she receives any appreciation at all. The fact is, some people do not show appreciation very well and our expectations may be higher than those around us. Some ministers have stated they work in a “thankless occupation” often perceiving their laity as having an attitude of “what have you done for me lately, pastor”? This sliding escalation of negative thought often leads to a ministers contemplating about leaving.

In order to remain focused on one’s calling, a pastor has to guard against such negative thought. A better use of time may be spent seeking wise counsel and asking how they may deal with these problems. Most problems are not unique, but rather “universal”. They have already come to that “crossroad” in their ministry and can encourage you in your hour of need. Another way to keep focused is to seek God’s approval and explore other possibilities to help educate others to show appreciation. Physical and mental demands can perhaps be manageable but when coupled with low self-esteem, lack of appreciation and a lack of measurable progress, ministers often feel they are a failure and question why they should stay in a place/occupation where they are not wanted?

To prevent this from spiraling out of control, one should consider the following interventions:

  • Look and write down the small successes
  • Examine and think on the good things that are being/have been accomplished
  • Look for change in any church members as a result of your direct/indirect involvement
  • Find support and encouragement from others/friends/associates
  • Look for opportunities to help others
  • Walk and appreciate God’s creation
  • Re-examine your calling
  • Exercise or be active in a hobby/craft

While this is not an extensive list of interventions, these are merely intended for a pastor to think about his/her ministry. It is not about appreciation, its about following God’s call. Too many pastors leave the ministry for the wrong reason, sometimes feeling unappreciated rather than examining why they are there. Jesus was hated and rejected. He warned us that others will do the same to us. Personal feelings, while very important, are not the determining factor of whether a minister stays in the ministry. Leaving may even constitute disobedience to God! Please refocus on your calling. Make sure you hear from the Lord. Seek help and look for the “good” in all things.

5. CAN’T BE REAL—HAVE TO BE THE MOST SPIRITUAL!

Many pastors struggle with the idea that they cannot be truly themselves. Pastors are perceived, too often, as the most spiritual, the most moral and cannot have any type of problem. Their families must be the most well mannered and active in every program within the church.

While ministers should set standards high enough for others to follow and want to achieve, the very nature of double standards propel ministers to further distant themselves among others within the church. According to statistics, 66% of church members expect a minister and his/her family to live by a higher moral standard than they do. This pervasive thought lends itself unrealistic, and when accompanied by the demands of the ministry, ministers and their families feel the pressures and desire to further distance themselves even more! 80% believe pastoral ministry has negatively affected their families and 94% report feeling pressures of being in the pastor’s family.

These unrealistic demands and pressures cause struggles for many ministers. Most feel they “cannot afford” to be real, for the fear of others being disappointed. Some state they go through life wearing a mask, “acting” one way, “hoping” and “fearing” no one finds out who they really are. When these pressures are a prevalent way of thought or living, ministers are not allowed to use their talents and abilities that God has blessed them with. Many go through feelings of guilt and fear of trying to be “someone else” rather than just being “themselves”. There is such a tremendous waste of unused talent and ability, no wonder America is questioning the effectiveness of the church today.

Whether these written or unwritten demands originate from the laity or the ministry, one has to only wonder – Can a minister actually have their own identify or do they walk in someone else’s? Is there a time in their ministry where they are able to relax and be “just themselves” ? And how can a minister find ways to alleviate their frustrations?

Most successful pastors have outlined boundaries around their ministry. These boundaries may include desires from the laity, such as leading by example to encouraging others to strive toward spiritual growth. Paul sets the same example in 1 Corinthians 11:1 when he says to follow him as he follows Christ. Other parts of the boundary must also include some of their own personal wishes, such as their personality, talents, abilities, family times and all the time, not forgetting God’s purpose and direction for their lives and the church.

“Being Real” is important for everyone. There is nothing wrong in “being yourself” around your family and close friends while maintaining a professional less-than open posture when you are around others who really don’t know you yet. Too many times pastors and their families don’t have anyone close enough around them to relax and just be themselves. 70% report not having a close friend.

The very nature of your occupation lends itself to being looked upon as the most spiritual, even though at times you don’t feel like it. There are ways to safeguard yourself from these feelings of guilt, pressure and thoughts and feelings of quitting or running away.

SAFEGUEARDS:

  • Personal Devotion time alone for study and prayer
  • Set healthy boundaries around your ministry and family
  • Make personal time for family and friends
  • Educate your church/board
  • Delegate authority within the church leadership

4. STRESS ON THE FAMILY AND HEALTH

Most people never think about how the ministry demands affect the pastor and his/her family, especially long term. As mentioned before, 94% of the minister’s families feel the pressures of the pastor’s ministry. 80% report that it has negatively affected them. Children of pastors often report having negative experiences and many do not attend church anywhere today because of those negative experiences!

The minister’s spouse is often neglected for the sake of the ministry. A common statement made by the spouse is My spouse loves the church more than he/she loves me!” An unexpected visit to the pastor’s home by a church member, the endless hospital visits, the phone calls, complaints made by laity and vacation times cut short because of someone being in the hospital or passing away are only a few of the stressors a pastor’s family face. If these escalate or continue for a long period of time, further problems within the family may develop, which leads to another
stressor – the pastor’s family is not suppose to have any marital or family problems.

Please don’t misunderstand; the pastor’s family loves the church but resents it when it “steals from their family time”.  A pastor deals with so many people, problems and issues. While most church members are considerate, many others are not, never thinking about intruding on the pastor’s personal time or the number of calls they receive everyday. The pastor and his family are truly on call 24/7.

The demands of the ministry often take its toll mentally, spiritually and physically. Worry, stress, and neglect of one’s health can lead to stress and burnout as well as other more serious heath problems, such as stroke, heart attack and cancer. Often times, people will allow a minister to work as much as he/she can, without limits. Usually there is no one there to regulate, protect and keep track of a pastor from reaching danger limits, except his family. But too often, pastors will ignore the advice of their family for the sake of doing “God’s work”. God never intended to work us 24/7. Jesus even needed rest!

SAFEGUEARDS OF PROTECTING THE FAMILY & HEALTH:

  • Place boundaries to protect your family
  • Make family time—no calls, except emergencies
  • Delegate a leader to take calls and duties
  • Take regular vacations (not just to relatives)
  • Do special things with your family
  • Treat your family better than your church members
  • Limit and manage your time
  • Educate your church the importance of your family
  • Continually tell your family how much you love them

3. FEELING ALL ALONE

How could this be a reason for a minister leaving the ministry? After all, ministers seem to have plenty of people surrounding them on a week-to-week basis. Ministers often report feeling isolated, not having the close fellowship they see laity have or perhaps they once had before they entering into the ministry.

Pastors only get close to their parishioners on a professional basis, working with them daily or weekly, often counseling them on a number of different issues, trying to mend or encourage others on their marriage, career, finances, health and spiritual walk. A pastor’s work is never done. They report working between 55 to 75 hours a week, often burning a candle at both ends. Most of the calls a minister receives is not to check on how their pastor is doing but because of problems either in the church or in their lives. Complaints seem to come in on a daily basis. 40% of the ministers report having serious conflict with a parishioner at least once a month! Over time, pastors report feeling that others are only caring about themselves, complaining about most everything, and have attitudes of “what have you done for me lately”. Most pastors feel unappreciated. They give so much time to others but who is there for the pastor ?

Pastors report not having the freedom to share their problems/concerns with anyone. Ministers cannot tell their congregation that they feel their jobs are overwhelming at times or they have had thoughts about leaving the
ministry – this is their spiritual leader, how can a minister be discouraged? They cannot share these feelings with
other ministers – too many churches are in competition with one another, this may be the ammunition they need! And when ministers attend denominational meetings, so often others around them only give “praise reports” that lend themselves believing something is wrong with a minister who has problems. Where can a minister go for help and encouragement? Most ministers try to cope with it only to burnout, loosing all motivation and having thoughts that nobody cares!

With all the mounting pressures and conflicts, long hours, thankless efforts, stressors affecting their families and lack of support, many pastors feel they are definitely alone and have no place to turn. Many seek support in other ways, often inappropriate, which cause them to leave the ministry and destroy their lives. Others will seek employment elsewhere. Even the business world seems more supportive than the ministry.

“Feeling alone” is the number 3 reason why pastors report leaving the ministry but it is the #1 TO OVERCOME!

SAFEGUARDS:

  • Find a friend or mentor you can trust

People may ask why is this #3 when it is the easiest to overcome? The reason is very simple – ministers do not have a friend or mentor that they can trust! Too often ministers keep feelings, thoughts, concerns, problems, sin, discouragement, depression and loneliness all inside. Sometimes pastors feel they can talk to their spouses, while others are afraid to share because they fear their spouses may hold negative thoughts about the laity and therefore causing more marital problems. A pastor needs a friend!!! One that will be able to support and encourage them in all things throughout their life!

2. LACK OF DENOMINATIONAL SUPPORT

Pastors that are going through difficulties should have a safe place to turn for help. One of the logical places is with their denomination. Denominational leaders are quick to state they are there for the pastors. After all, they are the ones who may have encouraged them to be in the ministry and are the very ones who credentials the minister. So why aren’t ministers calling for help?

Denominations actually have a dual relationship with their ministers. On one hand, they are the good guys – the ones for credentialing and cheering pastors up when they are together. On the other hand, they are a disciplinary
group – the ones who terminate or places ministers on probation or suspension. Most pastors report never hearing from their denomination unless it is due to a problem with the pastor.

Denominations are also concerned for the church. Because of this, many pastors often feel their denomination treat the laity more fairly, especially during church problems. Pastors report that denominations seem to ”go overboard” with the laity in making “peace”, but has less-leniency toward the pastor, even with problems created by the laity. In denominational meetings, pastors hear that their denomination is there for them but when faced with a real problem, often feel otherwise.

Pastors also report being unable to talk freely to their denominational officials for the fear of them “keeping track” of their activities. Ministers do not want their “bosses” to feel they are doing a poor job or are discouraged. When they meet again, they do not want to wonder if their denominational leader is thinking about past problems. When ministers have feelings and thoughts about leaving the ministry, can they honestly tell their boss? And what if there is a sin issue, can they freely talk to their denominational leaders without fear of being terminated? And if terminated, how will they be able to pay their bills? What about their reputation? Because of these fears, most ministers prefer to keep their problems/feelings to themselves.

Denominational meetings are usually designed to encourage and support ministers but often ministers find themselves surrounded with others, either in denial or portraying everything is totally perfect in their lives. Everyone seems to be “on top of the world”, smiling, laughing and sometimes boasting of how well their church is doing. There may be a pastor in the same room, who is afraid of sharing, feeling unsuccessful, insecure, guilty for having feelings of wanting to leave the ministry and needs spiritual renewal. When, in fact, others are just like them but are afraid to ask for help! Even the most boastful minister, when alone, will admit they would like to know they are supported more.

Denominations can provide support that is vitally needed but it has to be limited from discipline or protected until trust is rebuilt. If the dual relationship exists, there are limited options that can be implemented.

LIMITED OPTIONS:

  • Provide research from an outside source to identify stressors associated with their ministers
  • Offer educational support as a whole (not identifying any one person) on the stressors identified by their ministers. Other ministers can still benefit from the information, even though they may not be presently having that problem
  • Outsource the counseling and other resources to others to provide confidential help to a minister in need
  • Be fair to both laity and ministers

Denominations can be a solid force to the ministers but needs improvement. Too many pastors are leaving the ministry. Last year, America had over 1,700 ministers leave the ministry each month! There were over 1,300 who were terminated each month by their local church, many without cause – they wanted someone younger, older, did not like the music, etc. And many denominations are reporting an “empty pulpit crisis”. Support is needed from various places but the one that makes most sense is denominational support.

Ministers who feel they have no place to turn for help, need to find a friend or call a safe and confidential organization like PASTORAL CARE INC.

1. MINISTERS HAVE A VISION, THE CHURCH DOESN’T

Ministers believe they are called of God, to preach and carry a message to the people. Even during tough times, a minister can still love his flock and have compassion of them if some type of progress is being made. Ministers are often led to go into difficult places, such as, going to a church with a history of “getting rid” of a pastor every 3-4 years or going into a city where there is “spiritual disagreement” in the community. There may be churches on every corner, none of which gets along with one another and were started because of church splits or disagreements.

Ministers and their family “give all their energy and time” for the sake of the ministry. They work long hours, sacrificing to build the church, visit the sick, neglect family and personal time and sometimes suffers financially. Most pastors are willing to go beyond what most laity would ever consider to do. But all pastors desire the church to respond to God’s purpose or direction for their church.

The most disheartening thing ministers go through is to feel they have a message and direction from God for their church but the people are not willing to listen or respond. In one survey, ministers and laity were asked the purpose of the church. 90% of the pastors state the purpose of the church was to reach the lost but when asking the laity, 90% report the purpose is to meet their own needs! Only 10% of the laity stated the purpose was to reach the lost.

No wonder why churches are not making any difference in their communities – they are not interested in reaching the lost but rather are only interested in themselves! There is no unity in the things of God nor is there any vision. Is the church saying “NO” to God? Why is the minister unable to effectively convince people to change their vision? The Bible refers to the “last days” as being like the days of Noah. People are so busy with themselves that they overlook the principle goal of reaching the lost!

Ministers are people too! They can become discouraged and feel like they are living in a land like Noah. America had 4,000 churches close last year and had over 3,500 people leave the church every year – people who were once in church but were hurt and discouraged. So many ministers are worn out mentally, physically, financially and spiritually. When their time and efforts seem useless or without meaning, ministers often say, “what’s the use!”

SAFEGUARDS TO PREVENT LEAVING:

  • Go back to the reason why you are there. Are you there to satisfy man or God?
  • Look at examples in the Bible where ministers were not listened to or appreciated
  • Work as a team to accomplish these goals, recruit one from your church or another church in the community
  • Ask advice from a seasoned minister
  • Understand you are delivering a message. If they don’t reject it, it is not your problem
  • Don’t develop a Messiah complex
  • Understand your limitations, get help if needed
  • Approach the vision differently. Be creative
  • Don’t fear what others will think. Do this in obedience to God
  • Get rest when you are weary. Our physical and mental bodies are limited
  • Maintain an active devotional life
  • Get away from negative people
  • List your goals and review them everyday
  • Laugh, listen to uplifting music

Paul often refers to our walk/ministry as to running a race. Philippians 3:13 & 14 says, “Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forth unto those things which are before, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus”. The enemy often uses people, events and situations to prevent us from reaching that mark. We can become too busy, unorganized, tired, suffer physical and financial strain, be unappreciated, seeing no results and many, many more. These still do not eliminate the overwhelming question, “WHO ARE WE DOING THIS FOR?” .

If you are a pastor, let me encourage you to stay “true” to your calling. Our bodies are limited and we can be tired in well doing. The real fact is that you may need a friend or someone to talk to whenever you have feelings of leaving the ministry. If you don’t have a friend or anywhere else to turn, please turn to PASTORAL CARE INC. We care about you and so does God! Call us if we can help.

May God bless your ministry!

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I recently sent this article to a pastor friend of mine and received this comments from him.

“That’s not a bad list to share with smaller churches.  Just so they can
get their minds around solutions to this problem and just be aware it is
a problem.

I was talking to a fellow pastor yesterday and we were discussing how
little people realize the investment pastor’s have in the people’s lives.

This is not only a good article on the issues but it offers solutions. 
Good stuff.”


Now I’d be interested in what you have to say.  You don’t have to be a pastor to find valuable insight in this post.  OK…comments anyone?

Andy

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